GIVING IT TO YOU RAW…What Happened Last Night (Mar. 2nd, 2015)

My-my-my, Enthusiasts this week’s installment of RAW took it’s time getting started but once it did, it was one of the most fun nights that I’ve seen.  I would have to say that the “Season Premiere” was the best overall showing of late but they definitely appear to be upping the ante as we approach WrestleMania.  Yet, could it all be a huge bluff?  Will the main event simply turn out to be a big inside joke that we don’t find very funny or do we get an exhilarating, awesome, early Spring Sunday night that re-instills our faith in this product? Still completely uncertain in any direction, Enthusiasts and believe it or not, I’m having a great time waiting and seeing.  I guess it could be worse (^_~)

We open in Newark, New Jersey and I suppose true to form, the crowd is vocal but definitely none too friendly.  Which is why we’re not all that surprised that Seth Rollins will start it off tonight.  Since we’ve got all this publicity going with Jon Stewart slated to appear, naturally Rollins has to come and call him out.  Jon!  Do yourself a favor and stay in New York at Comedy Central where it’s safe.  I can assure you, if you show your face, you’ll find out that I don’t pull any punches.  Isn’t that right guys?  Ever present J&J Security concur.   Not only will no punches be pulled but, you’ll quickly find out why I’m The Authority’s “chosen one”.  I can do this shit in my goddamn sleep!  I can come out here and do better work, kill it on the mic and I can actually wrestle the pants off half the jokers they got back there…As Rollins continues to elaborate, he’s disrupted because by the sound of it, we have Roman Reigns in the house and he’s moderately received. Apparently a good majority of the audience wouldn’t have invited him.  No matter, he’s there anyway and he’s not so sold on the awesomeness of Rollins.  Rollins suggests he rethink that matter and Reigns responds with why don’t you rethink me kicking your ass and he proceeds to serve up Rollins a Superman Punch.  J&J try 2 do their “job” but Reigns appearing to be twice their size, makes quick work of them both.  Asses in hand, the trio scurry to safety, wondering why they keep starting shit with him.

As for this set-up, I had little problem with it.  Rollins continues to be Triple H’s star student when it comes to Heelitude.  He gets to grinding your gears and you can’t stand him yet, to the more astute Enthusiast, you notice how he is playing the “heel” role and don’t really come to dislike him as a person but man, you just wanna punch “Seth Rollins”.  He does a great job of being a little shit.  As for Reigns, God bless him, he just needs to find his stride when it comes to being on the mic.  If they’re going to have him spit promos, he needs to find his flow.  He is getting better so, this will get sorted out but I wouldn’t push for too much with less than 30 days to get him tip-top.  This may be just the WWE pushing Reigns into the pool so that he learns to swim but with so much on the line, I would shut him up or have him keep it to the point and pretty much just let him kick ass.  This is how I would have approached selling him in general until the kinks got ironed out.  Why the WWE did/does not, I still can’t get my head around.  That’s why I come off like some pissed off CEO when I wrote my inaugural post.  Why the fuck is this guy not working!  Say what you want, he’s hot enough to push without the wrestling skills.  He certainly could be “made to work” if you want to get down to fit for real business and anyone worried about making money off him would have done that.  The fact that they mucked this up just goes to show something doesn’t work somewhere in the mechanics and hopefully they’re ironing that kink out.  

Anyway, the first match of the evening continues the game of Hide the Intercontinental Title as Dean Ambrose and Wade “Bad News” Barrett go at it.  The match gets overshadowed by all the hijinks but it does make it fun.  Something for this kids to laugh at, I suppose as they drum up interest for what’s looking like a huge ladder match.  The real question seems to be, with how many people?  We have R-Truth on Commentary again and he does add a nice dash of his own humor.  He steals the title belt first but as Barrett and Ambrose tussle, Luke Harper strolls out and decides he wants the title back and seeing how that’s what they’re doing, he steals it.  Barrett, too occupied with Ambrose yet fully enamored of the title, gets distracted and Ambrose connects with Dirty Deeds to get the win.

To follow, we have some mixed tag team action with The Usos and Naomi continuing to feud with Tyson Kidd, Cesaro and Natalya.  In all honesty, the ladies are kinda carrying this “feud”.  I don't believe it because these guys look like they have fun out there, which is fine.  Don’t knock that but, as a critiquing smark, where is the “art”.  I do not feel the heat in this feud but, I don’t really care that much.  They make their shit work day in, day out.  In any case, the ladies get into it and show they got some moves but Nattie’s ankle has been bothering her and it acts up again.  She tags out and the boys play for a bit until Tyson Kidd, with his punk-ass ways, tags in Nattie who he knows is hurt.  Upset, Nattie never really gets back into the match and Naomi, having been taken in by the ankle thing last time around, sneaks in, rolls Nattie up for the win and she and The Usos cut and run.

  

After that, there are some promos and casket burning that bring us to another promo/match with John Cena coming out to tell us why he still matters.  He’s been doing this for years.  Hell, this crowd doesn’t even mind he lost at Fast Lane but, that doesn’t stop him.  He still does what he’s gotta do each day and because of that, he’s gonna enter the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal Match.  Yet, it’s Stephanie McMahon that comes out and begs to differ.  Hold on a minute, John.  Who said you were going to WrestleMania?  From what I remember, Rusev has to give the okay for a rematch. But wait, Cena needs a moment.  You’re going to have WrestleMania without me?  I’m the best thing you got going on around here.  Oh, wait a minute there, John. Stephanie says.  Let me just go ahead and cut you short.  The company’s seen better than the likes of you.  If anything, it’ll probably thrive without you.  So, you just sit tight until someone utters the magic words and lets you in.  In the meantime, you better get to kissing my ass.  Yet, instead Curtis Axel comes out to keep hope alive for AxelMania!  And you know what, the crowd may just be up for it.  I mentioned in my pre-game post that I think Curtis Axel will factor at WrestleMania, especially if this dust-up with Brock Lesnar actually has any validity to it.  If Lesnar does decide to spoil things, Vince McMahon can always nullify the main event with Rollins cashing in and set him up to choose Axel for his opponent and solve the problem right there.  He could just do that anyway to stick it to us a bit and take on that good ol’heat that only “The Man” can get. We shall see.

Regardless, Axel champions his improbable but plausible cause and challenges Cena.  Cena tells him it’s not a good idea.  He may be all “washed up” going by Stephanie’s thoughts but he still can and will beat his ass.  Whatever!  AXELMANIA!!!!  And in he goes and Cena offers him the standard issue Attitude Adjustments and STFs and quite handedly, ends Axel’s night.  So, Rusev and Lana come out to give Cena more of a hard time.  Rusev, should you give Cena a second chance?  Lana asks.  Rusev strokes his makings of a beard, ponders a bit and then says, no.

Up next, Triple H demonstrates the benefits of having tangible financial power by making an example of Booker T and “firing” him only to bring him back when he understands why Triple H is running things and Sting’s WCW failed.  It all comes down to knowing what’s best for business. 

The Divas Championship belt goes on the line after that and Nikki and Paige have a rematch.  Paige comes out swinging and backs Nikki up in the beginning and Nikki has to buy some time to regroup.  Nikki then gets her hands on Paige and softens her up with an Alabama Slam and proceeds to just bully her after that.  The way she was dealing with Paige coupled with Paige’s selling of it made it look like Paige was having a run in with the local bad girl and got her toys trampled on, her hair pulled and any lunch money stolen. Paige manages a recovery and settles Nikki into a Scorpion Cross Lock but Brie interferes, causing the disqualification but begins the beat down.  She and Nikki proceed to give Paige what for that is until, now where are we tonight?  New Jersey?  So that means the WWE’s own Jersey Girl, AJ Lee comes tearing out from backstage and helps Paige stave off the twin meanies.

This brings us to what we’ve kinda been waiting for in Jon Stewart making his guest appearance on Rollins’ version of the Daily Show.  Word is that Jon Stewart is a big wrestling fan, could even be a fellow Enthusiast, and it shows.  He comes out and plays along.  He pats hands as he makes his entrance, eases his way through the ropes and faces Seth Rollins.  He is great!  Absolutely fantastic.  He cuts a great promo illustrating why we should not care for Mr. Money in the Bank.  He talks.  He says a lot but what does he do?  Anything of merit?  Not really.  Couldn’t really say he has.  He can’t even honestly hold the Money in the Bank briefcase.  He thinks The Authority back him but…do they really give a shit?  Who’s battling for the Heavyweight Championship?  Sure as hell ain’t him, so far.  But he’s got that briefcase.  Yes, he’s certainly got that and that’s about it.  Flustered by the truth, Rollins approaches Stewart. Even grabs him and gives him a good shake but then, The Viper, Randy Orton steps out and with Rollins distracted, Stewart deals a kick to the family jewels and takes off but, not without landing a forearm or 2.  He sold similarly to Paul Heyman, I would say.  I’ll talk about his epic bit in a moment but, if the WWE work out any kind of long-term deal with Stewart be it in front of or behind the camera, it will be nothing but a benefit.  He could class up their comedy bits and just make it more fun all around.  I’m all for it!

Moving along, we come to a match between Daniel Bryan and Luke Harper.  Harper is certainly playing up when special goes bad for he is absolutely nefarious when it comes to his decimation of Bryan.  He throws him down without mercy.  His throws cause Bryan to fall and land in precarious manners making the lot of us want to throw in the towel.  His poor injury and the Announce Table play this up as well.  Harper means to win and will do the worst to do it, it would seem but our battered hero won’t be intimidated.  He gets back in there and gets himself in position for the YES! Lock and after all that offense, Harper caves fairly quickly.  Yet, what’s this?  Dolph Ziggler finds his way out and what’s this?  The Intercontinental Title belt lying unattended?  Why, he remembers when this was his.  He wouldn’t have left it for anyone to come and take.  He better get in this ladder match and win it back for safe-keeping.  The Ladder Match is looking like it’s gonna have everyone else in it.  I wouldn’t be surprised if Ryback and Erick Rowan show up too.

Next, we have the Maestro in Paul Heyman settling all the whispers concerning Brock Lesnar.  No doubt you’ve heard the rumors and saw the photo of Lesnar at UFC #184 and so, naturally all the speculations are a flutter.  Placing him at the UFC event does lead one to believe that a departure is in the works but, at the same time, we don’t know that and Heyman doesn’t so much as dispel as announce that Lesnar is a desirable commodity and will do whatever the hell he wants.  And he’ll retain that damn title if he fucking pleases as well!  You have your Reigns, I have the Beast and when the stage is set, he’ll be there.  Heyman was quite impassioned in his delivery and it sold.  I’m sure most of us don’t even really care what he said.  He said it with such conviction and it fits enough with what’s going on.  He basically just proves why he’s brought in just to talk.  He’s certainly earned it.

And then we come to the main event.  Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns started us off for a reason.  They’re now gonna box for bragging rights.  Rollins already showed he can speak better.  Can he outwrestle Reigns too, as he seems to profess?  Well, since we’re in inviting New Jersey, this crowd takes to Rollins.  Ain’t nobody gonna tell these people who to like.  If Brock Lesnar can do whatever he damn well pleases, then they can like whoever they damn well please too and they prefer Rollins.  Reigns actually does a good job of not letting this bother him.  It’s times like these when it benefits to have a strong support system and given what we generally know of him, he probably does.  Nevertheless, he addresses Rollins as you’d think he would.  He basically sets out to just overpower him.  Wrestling or not, we know he could probably kick his ass if it really came down to it.  And while letting the boos slide off his back, that’s what he more or less does.  There’s a point where Rollins attempts to lock Reigns up in an armbar but all he does is pick him up and slam him back down to reclaim his arm.  It was rather impressive to be quite frank.  Yet, as with a Rollins affair, all of the The Authority are out to circle around and of course they take their hits.  But it’s Orton who grabs one of Reigns’ legs just as he lines up for The Spear.  Distracted, Rollins slips in and rolls Reigns up for the surprise win.  About time something like that happened to him. He can consider himself in “the club”.  In any case, what happens next is what may shut a lot of haters down.  Reigns does an excellent job of expressing not so much rage but indignation.  Honestly, he should have seen something like that coming but he still can’t believe they dared.  Well, we’re gonna learn today what happens when you get an unfair jump on Reigns. 

The Authority celebrate with Rollins at ringside and start to head up the ramp when Reigns takes a running leap over the ropes and lands on everyone, crashing to the ground.  Unscathed, he rises and steps through their remains with his eyes set on a retreating Rollins.  Recovering Authority members in Big Show, Dad (Kane) and J&J try to do what they can to stop him but he’s got that “Juggernaut” nickname for a reason.  Everyone who does dare to intercept him is laid to complete waste with a Spear.  Rollins gathers some gumption to return to try and end the righteous carnage with a dive off the ropes of his own but all he gets is speared out of mid-air and splattered on the mat.  I say goddamn!  Didn’t even think anything like that was gonna happen.  I think what gets most of us is how he pretty much flew over the ropes.  It’s hard for us to get our heads around a big guy who can actually move.  Usually going over the ropes is not a voluntary move for them in the wrestling world and Reigns definitely made a fine display of his athleticism. If I saw something like that flying at me, blotting out the sun, I’d be looking for an elephant gun.  Whatever it was would probably see me as food and has gotten out of some cage.  It was amazing!  I was talking about how Reigns hadn’t had his “moment” yet in a previous post and last night, I think he definitely did.  I hope it’s one of many.  All naysayers have to take note.  The kid may still need some work but you can’t say what went down last night wasn’t out of control.  That’s what I was getting at for my suggestion of Rollins cashing in at Fast Lane during the Bryan vs. Reigns match.  It would have been the perfect scenario for Reigns to just go off!  All this shit and he wins the match just to have Rollins cash in and nullify his WrestleMania hopes.  He could go apeshit and I get the feeling that’s what We the Audience ultimately want him to do.  If he’s gonna be the in-house badass, let him badass things up.  I guess that’s what they’re doing and about damn time.  It’s what they should have done in the first place.  Whoo!  You got plenty to work with Smackdown.  Don’t so much try to follow it up as keep pace.

See You Thursday,

-Nicole Alexis.