GIVIN’ IT TO YOU RAW…What Happened Last Night (Sept. 15th, 2014)

So, it’s all leading up to Night of Champions this Sunday and I won’t lie and say I’m excited about it.  There’s one of these every other month it seems so…can’t get too jazzed but I wasn't entirely displeased with the latest presentation, fairly entertained but not really impressed.

We get started with Mr. John Cena calling out Mr. Paul Heyman, wondering where his boy Brock “Gun Jack” Lesnar is at.  Paul stalls and redirects the topic but in the end Cena ain't hearing it and takes Mr. Heyman hostage in his dressing room with the help of the Great Kali and some basic Punjabi, I’m assuming, until Gun Jack gets his ass out there.

In the ring, we have Y2J, Chris Jericho, square off against Dad, a.k.a. Korporate Kane.  I read somewhere that though these guys are far from their prime, they managed to stitch together a good match and I’d have to agree.  I've grown to appreciate Jericho’s showmanship and Dad’s as well.  He’s a heel I like and there aren't too many of those.  Regardless, they went out there and put on a good show, lumbago and all and I salute them!

After that, Cornfed-er, I mean, Jack Swagger and Bo “Takes Meds Regularly” Dallas share a dance.  Jack seems to have been jobbing it of late so it was nice to see him get the win this time out.  Even the bad guys have to win occasionally. Though, his heel status hangs a bit in the balance with this patriotism about.  He definitely suits the uh…Red State fare, to be polite.

The main Divas are up next in a whatever kinda match.  The Bellas shriek and hiss while Paige, who I like to call Evanescence, and AJ Lee skip to my lou and try to out crazy each other.  Meeehhh, sure, whatever.  Paige and Nikki Bella get the win but…does it matter?

Following that, we have our Leader of the Corn in Bray Wyatt go up against the Big Show.  Now, I've been reading a lot of guff coming from wrestling purists about how Bray Wyatt isn’t being put to the best use but…I would have to ask is anybody at this point?  I’m sure we all have ideas about how this all should go.  Yet, at the same time, things gotta get mixed up so things don’t get stale.  Yeah, it can be argued that things have been stale for the past 10 years at least but, I think Bray Wyatt is smart enough to maintain.  He’ll be interesting as long as he’s interesting and maybe in time, the stars will align and set him on a path that will please us all with his backwoods mysticism. So all in all, chill out. Oh, and Big Show picks up the win after Bray calls in the cronies and gets disqualified.  Hey, he doesn't have to play fair, isn't supposed to anyway.

Next we have the true Tag Teamers in my pals, The Usos along with Sheamus against the Dust Brothers and Cesaro, naturally.  I liked this match because it was well played as usual. Everyone knew their part and executed cleanly.  Stardust even meowed.  Given that, I like how he’s developing.  I kinda missed out on GoldDust in his prime but this combination is working in its painted quirk-itude.  The rivalry between Sheamus and Cesaro is becoming palpable too and that makes for decent mid-card showings.  After many interchanging blows, Jey picks up the win for the Faces with a “splash” all over Cesaro…does that sound wrong?  I can see how that could be taken the wrong way (^_~)

The next bit actually got me going.  It’s not often that I get to yelling at the screen but, though the lead up was a bit hackneyed and corny, the bell tolls on Paul Heyman and Cena drags him out to get beat in Brock Lesnar’s place.  Of course, Heyman tries to finagle his way out of it but to no avail so, after some banter about motivations for this ploy we’ve been made to watch, Heyman just decides to call Cena chicken.

Well, that TEARS it! And Cena rightly pushes Heyman’s fat ass out of the ring.  Only to then hear Lesnar’s theme music.  Uh-oh, look who’s in the house...Gun Jack himself, then it’s Heihachi after that, so you know it’s gonna be tough.  There’s some teasing.  Some, will they fight or won’t they?  Maybe…naw….I might…naw…Well, maybe just a little…naw.  You know what, fuck it! Let’s go!  And they box!  Cena brings a few MMA memories back for Lesnar but not before Lesnar lets Cena know what the ring floor tastes like first. And then get this, SECURITY!  For some reason, this shit might get out of hand and they’re separated.  Are you ready?  Are you ready for the rematch!  Ummm, not really but that was fun though.

Since the Lesnar vs. Cena preview wasn’t too good to follow, some other Divas in Naomi and Cameron take their beef to the ring to figure it out.  Naomi settles the matter.  Then we get into the douche portion of the night, though the addition of “R-Ziggler” changes that mix a bit.  Yet, for whatever reason, the pairing works.  I prefer it to him coming out as R-Truth and rapping, though.  That was getting old.  Besides, this pairing is like one of those odd couples you wouldn't have thought of, but somehow works.

To go back to my video game theme, we’re brought to the “Sagat” match between Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns.  To be honest, I didn't have a problem with the execution but rather, what was executed.  Now, I may just be getting ahead of myself but I really don’t think these matches should last more than 5 minutes.  It just doesn't make sense to me when you put it on paper, especially with Rollins talking shit like he was.  He was just straight insulting Reigns for no real reason in the promo.  I don’t mind Reigns taking the proverbial high road, but it should have been done in a way that took 5 minutes.  Squash that fool, dude!  I would.  He keeps talking, shut him up.  I wouldn't care if that happened every time, to the point where the audience is like, “Why are they even doing this?  We know what’s gonna happen…” and yeah, as it should.  Let Ambrose fight with Rollins.  Yet, this shouldn't be done in a vein where it’s like Reigns doesn’t have time.  It’s gotta be done more like, this ends now.  There is no fight, because there is no fight.  It should be simply a matter of getting to the point.  I just don’t see Rollins as being much of a problem.  Kick his ass and move on to the next thing.  I’m just saying. Do it just to be funny, if at all. 

Reigns gets the win eventually, by the way.

To close, we remember why we love this country as the New Cold War continues to get brewed up.  We get some Mark Henry back story and learn of his Olympic origins and understand why he is the “World’s Strongest Man”.  Only to be interrupted by Rusev's but mostly Lana’s Russian propaganda.  Well, I don’t have to tell you that Mark Henry didn't take too kindly to that.  Needless to say, God Bless America…

See you Friday…