GIVING IT TO YOU RAW…What Happened Last Night (May 12th, 2015)

Greetings Enthusiasts!  I would say that RAW was the typical mixed bag that it tends to be this time around but, the show on the whole was fairly solid.  Anticipation for Payback is steadily growing and I find this promising.  I wouldn’t go so far to say that the WWE is going back to basics but it does seem to be reconnecting with itself a bit more.   We are all well aware that the general patch for shoddy performances was to throw some Attitude Era wrestlers out there for us to reminisce about but if I didn’t know better, the WWE may finally be accepting you can’t always prance out the old guard.  At some point, they have to make the new shit work.  There’s plenty to work with and they appear to be finding a way to piece it together in an at least a fairly interesting manner.

We open in Dean Ambrose’s hometown of Cincinnati, Ohio and it looks like Triple H has returned from “vacation”.  Looking and, I assume, feeling refreshed, he speaks to us about his consternation over the issues between Seth Rollins and Dad (Kane).  The boss feels he should be able to leave things and come back to business as usual but their in-fighting weakens The Authority overall and has to be addressed.  He begins by requesting Rollins to come out to the ring.  Rollins obliges quite cockily with J&J Security close behind to complete the phallic imagery.  He has plenty to say.  Boss, I’m sorry but you really have to check Kane on this one.  I mean I’m trying to do my best to be the future of this company but Kane’s booking me in crap matches, roughing me up backstage and just all around sucking.  You can’t have an old, washed up guy like that calling the shots.  It just makes us, The Authority look bad.  I hear you, Seth.  Triple H responds.  I’ve certainly had my issues with Kane over the years but, let’s face it.  You aren’t exactly a peach, you know what I mean?  Let’s hear what Kane has to say about all this, shall we?  Dad makes his way down the ramp and into the ring.  He’s composed for the most part but, we all know Dad.  He’s always ready to blow.  Kane, Triple H begins, what do you have to say about these allegations?  Well, I have been in this business a long time and have seen a lot of guys come and go and I would have to say that Seth is one of the most sniveling, cowardly, useless bags of skin I’ve ever had the displeasure to work with.  If it wasn’t for my position, I wouldn’t waste time in Chokeslamming him straight to hell!  Triple H nods with understanding.  He concurs.  Rollins does bring that out of you.  I know I’ve felt like kicking his ass plenty of times.  Yet, even so, bad for business.   Now Kane, if you’re going to keep your job, you need to make a decision.  Yes, Seth can be an ingratiating SOB but, we’re a team.  And if we can’t work together, we can’t work.   So, can I trust you to put your differences aside for the greater good?  Dad stews.  He can’t find words now.  All right, seeing how that’s what you got to say, Triple says.  Why don’t we have a few matches to settle these underlying issues?  Kane, why don’t you get some of that stress out with a match against Roman Reigns?  He can take it.  Then Seth, why don’t you and Randy Orton have at.  Get some practice in before Sunday.  How’s that sound? Well tarnation!  Jamie Noble seems to object.  Why should Seth have to fight?  He needs to rest up for Sunday and he didn’t even do anything wrong.  All he and Joey and I have been doing is make sure The Authority is respected and maintained while you were away, sir.  I find this to be a great injustice.  Oh, the munchkins don’t like what The Authority has to say?  H replies.  Well, why don’t we make this even?  You want to have a say, why don’t you do something that actually works for once.  Oh, I’m sorry.  You may not be able to hear me from way down there.  Triple H lowers himself down to their eye level.  You don’t like what’s gonna happen?  Well, see how you like this: you 2 against Dean Ambrose, in a handicap match.  Chew on that and I’m spent!  Triple H drops the mic, fixes his tie and peaces out.  All right, I took some liberty with that last bit but it’d be funny if he did.  The rest of The Authority take their leave as Ambrose heads out to box.  Gotta do his job.

The opening wasn’t bad.  Dad got the crowd going with some regression almost breaking down and Chokeslamming Seth Rollins during their face-off and Triple H was great at you know, being H.  The set-up served its purpose.  Also, with RAW being in Cincinnati it’s only natural for Ambrose to get jobbed over by J&J.  He does so in entertaining fashion.  Seeing how it’s J&J, there’s not really so much a match as there are physical hijinks. Ambrose eventually wrangles down the 2 of ‘em and deals Noble some Dirty Deeds for the win.

After that, we have “King” Wade Barrett and Dolph Ziggler having another go.  This match was kinda so-so, even with Sheamus sitting in on commentary.  Maybe Ziggler's putting more time into his side ventures or something but these guys seem to more or less go through the motions tonight.  We’ve definitely seen better from the both of them.  The match is relatively short because Sheamus soon grows tired of banter and prefers to get a little involved in the match.  He distracts Ziggler and Barrett takes advantage by using the opening to land his Bull Hammer to take the win.  Once he’s done celebrating, Sheamus decides to clean up by dealing Ziggler a few kicks and blows.  He leaves him for dead once satisfied but not before letting some boos wash over him.

To follow, Erick Rowan comes out accompanied by his reunited “brother” Luke Harper.  Rowan’s had enough of being nice.  He’s gone back to what comes naturally, being mean.  Fandango awaits him, pretending to dance as usual.  Rowan has no time for tomfoolery and in what seems like the time it takes him to get to the ring, he completely levels Fandango.  There is no match, only destruction as Rowan wastes no time in getting the pin.  Afterwards, Harper adds a clothesline that confirms complete annihilation.  Looks like it’s good to be bad.

We then have a truly spectacular match between John Cena and Neville.  Cincinnati seems a little more welcoming of John Cena and cheer his arrival.  We all know why he’s out here.  The US Title!  Who wants it!  Who wants a shot at it and “The Champ”!  We wait with bated breath when we see Neville’s intro appear on the big screen.  This one should be good and it is.  We’ve seen plenty of this little dynamo and this evening he is in fine form.  Cena, being the veteran starts off with his standard moves but Neville always has something for him and with a twist.  Neville flips out of Attitude Adjustments, powers out of STFs and there’s just no time for a 5-Knuckle Shuffle.  Neville flusters Cena so much that he breaks down and clotheslines him, such a “heel” move for The Champ!  Yet, Cena gives Neville trouble too.  Neville gets Cena to “2” a plethora of times but that danged “Never Give Up” credo rings true.  Just when you think Neville’s got it, Cena kicks out.  This match had We the Audience all caught up.  This was the best match I’ve seen in ages.  We were all riveted!  Neville gets Cena on the ground one more time and lands his Red Arrow.  The referee gets to “2” and Rusev, villain that he is, intervenes kicking Neville off Cena and causing the Disqualification in Neville’s favor but it being a title match, Cena retains.  No matter.  Rusev is there to crush.  And he proceeds to beat a tired Cena down and take the belt for himself, providing his own foreshadowing for Payback.

Next up, we have "a match that wasn’t" between Dad and Roman Reigns.  I say that because Dad is kind enough to “greet” Reigns before he gets to the ring.  He “introduces” him to the ringposts, the stairs, even the announce table though, I’m fairly certain Reigns is already familiar.  Well, Reigns manages to make some introductions as well.  Like the palm of his hand to Dad’s face and perhaps engage in a conversation with some of the ringposts.  Yet, Reigns brings an old friend to the party at the end when he Spears Dad onto the announce table, knocking them both over.  Unfortunately for Dad, Reigns is the only one who gets back up.  Though this is a familiar pairing, I liked this outing.  I liked it because these 2 went at it.  It was like seeing the old Dad again and I like that they’re doing that more but Dad needs to get the last laugh one of these times.  It’s no fun if Reigns always comes out on top, especially when the 2 of them can actually make this interesting.  It doesn’t have to be match legal and probably shouldn’t be but, Dad has to “win” every now and then if We the Audience are to take him seriously, ergo the “story” seriously.  I’m gonna keep bitching until it happens.

Moving along we have quite the mis-match with Tamina facing off against Brie Bella with Naomi and Nikki at ringside respectively.  It’s not a bad match but you definitely feel like taking bets on how Brie is going to lose.  Tamina has to have at least 30-50lbs on Brie.  This just wouldn’t be happening in real time if Brie has any sense unless she has some Kung Fu in her back pocket and seeing how there are no pockets, it’s safe to assume that’s not the case.  Tamina dominates for most of the match though Brie mounts a brief offensive towards the end with a couple Missile Dropkicks but Tamina squashes that noise with a huge Superkick of her own and gets the win.

We then have “Macho Mandow” present himself to face off against Curtis Axel.  I suppose Damien Sandow’s gimmick will always be someone else’s.  I guess he’s the in-house chameleon of sorts…like Morph from the X-Men cartoons from back in the day.  He’ll be whoever you need him to be.  Nevertheless, the action comes more in the form of The Ascension who decide to drop in since they haven’t been doing much of late.  They suddenly have beef with both Axel and Mandow and attack.  Well, the mid-card fluff are game and they have themselves a bout that sends The Ascension running off in the end.  So, it’s clear that WWE Creative or perhaps Vince McMahon doesn’t take The Ascension very seriously.  This may just be them earning their stripes through the big leagues but for now, they’re being presented to us as delusional comedic relief and I guess that’s all right…for now.

Anyway, after that we get what plenty of us saw coming.  Our dear ol’Favorite Hero, Daniel Bryan, comes out in his street clothes.  He has to tell us something.  He’s had his MRI and the prognosis is grim.  He’s not sure when he’ll be back (again). It could be weeks, months, years…maybe never.  But, as long as there is hope, he’s fighting.  He’ll do his best to be back.  Yet, that means to be fair he can’t in all honesty retain the Intercontinental Title.  And so, with a heavy heart, Bryan relinquishes it and leaves us to heal.

Next on the docket, we have Cesaro take on Big E. Langston in Singles action.  Of course, Tyson Kidd and Natalya along with Kofi Kingston and Xavier Woods hang out on the sidelines respectively.  This isn’t a bad match.  It’s not a typical “hoss fight” but these guys’ power is not to be trifled with.  There were plenty displays of strength throughout the match.  As you could imagine, towards the end, the crews start to interfere.  Kingston tries to trip Cesaro up, prompting Kidd to kick Kingston in the face.  Woods comes at Kidd, catching Cesaro’s and Langston’s attention.  Cesaro keeps his wits about him though and using a leggy submission hold, pins Langston for the win.

Following that, Bray Wyatt has some more to say about Ryback.  He doesn’t understand…that he’s already lost.  Yes!  He walks around thinking he’s strong, thinking he’s powerful but little does he know that the pain Wyatt plans to give him, he can’t fight.  It will wake him at night and form as beads of sweat that roll down his tense cheek.  He will be translated and we won’t recognize him after.  Well, Ryback’s answer to that is a foot up Wyatt’s ass.  Ryback comes out hungry and helps himself to a Spinebuster and a Meat Hook but it appears that Wyatt has had his fill.  Their meal will have to be a continued at another time.

That brings us to the main event, Seth Rollins vs. Randy Orton.  The match itself is okay.  They’ve done better certainly but tonight isn’t really about the match as it is the pull for Payback.   They trade their blows but it doesn’t get interesting until close to the end when Rollins thinks he has Orton on the ropes and goes for Orton’s finisher in Orton’s style.  Well, in following "Kung Fu Logic", the taunt fires Orton up and he turns the tables and prepares to show Rollins how to correctly execute the RKO.  Yet, J&J Security just can’t keep themselves away from their bread and butter and they jump in to cause the disqualification.  Dad’s here too but, what he’ll do remains a mystery.  He is carrying a “steel” chair so, it’s anyone’s guess.  Doesn’t matter to Dean Ambrose, though and he runs in to scare off some J&J.  Roman Reigns is apparently feeling helpful as well and joins in.  Once they’re taken care of, they look to Rollins who’s starting to come back around.  They stand him up and take turns taking hits.   Ambrose and Reigns then prop Rollins up for Orton.  He’s a little surprised by the gesture but soon goes “fuck it!” and RKO’s Rollins.  Having taken the bait, Reigns spears Orton and as Orton sucks on that, Ambrose taps Reigns on the shoulder and shows him some Dirty Deeds.  My word, but what of the “brotherhood”?…Well, we’ll just have to see come Payback.

  

See You Thursday,

-Nicole Alexis (^_~)