GIVING IT TO YOU RAW…What Happened Last Night (Jan. 5th, 2015)

Hello Enthusiasts!  Well, yesterday was Monday and we all gathered 'round to see what RAW would do to inaugurate 2015.  Knowing that The Authority has been reinstated, it was anyone’s guess what would transpire.  Yet, I think what RAW did accomplish, so far anyway, is serve as the proverbial “Bad Cop” to what I can only hope would be SmackDown’s “Good Cop” but I think a better analogy may be seeing RAW as a continuous Evil Dead II and SmackDown as a never-ending Army of Darkness.  Just go along with me on this one for a minute…

RAW opens with the entire roster in and around the ring, somewhat patiently waiting for John Cena it would appear.  He has a statement he wants to make.  Since he’s the “Team Leader” in whatever degree you want to call him, he feels it’s his responsibility to apologize for bringing back The Authority.  His hands were tied, what could he do *record screeches to a halt* The Authority’s / Triple H’s entrance music hits and he and Stephanie McMahon saunter out to greet everyone.  They missed them all so much and are glad to be back.  Yet, first thing, before they forget.  Seth Rollins!  Get out here, man!  Rollins comes out with J&J Security/”The New SHIELD”, Money in the Bank case in hand.  He greets his captains happily.  They look to him, big smiles on their faces, and basically say, for helping us out by holding Edge for ransom for our return, you get a shot at that Heavyweight Title, buddy.  Even though we’re pretty sure it’s not your weight class.  But whatever, The Authority does as The Authority pleases and so, Rollins you’re now in a Triple Threat Match with Cena and Brock Lesnar for all the cookies.  How’s that, pal!  We take care of ours, don’t we!  Rollins, touched, hugs his mentors and revels in his “good fortune”.  The Authority then turn their attention to John Cena.  Cena, for doing us this great favor, we’re going to honor you all night.  Tonight is officially “John Cena Appreciation Night”.  Hooray! Yay, John’s great!  We’ll have the real celebration at the end of the night and Cena, you have to attend but first, let’s get these paying customers some entertainment, shall we.  Why don’t Dolph Ziggler and Bad News Barrett have at over the Intercontinental Title? Huh, like having us back, right!

Ziggler and Barrett have themselves a fair match.  If you haven’t figured it out, The Authority coming back and crapping all over everything is the theme of this episode of RAW.  Since Barrett’s back, we can now pick up where he left off and get him exchanging titles with everyone else.  Yet, Ziggler has been the bona fide workhorse of late and so, having them go kick things off seems reasonable.  After a brief exchange, Ziggler executes a creative counter in a crucifix pin on Barrett to get the win.  All seems fine and good until Dad (Kane) enters and adds a stipulation.  Oh, you didn’t hear?  This is actually a 2/3 Falls Match so, saddle back up, my friend.  You’re going again.  I’m sure feigning fatigue is something that Ziggler can do well because he gives 125% every night he’s out there.  He gets his scrappy self back together and continues to dance with Barrett.  Barrett, a playful Heel but a Heel nonetheless, wears Ziggler down mercilessly by executing what I hear is called “Wasteland” upon our hero who basically likens Ziggler to a sack of potatoes hoisted over his shoulders and slammed down.  This enables Barrett to even the score at 1-1.  The last round has Barrett on the upswing and a tired Ziggler trying to stay alive. He takes another Wasteland and some boots to head and mid-section but it’s the Bull Hammer from Barrett with Dad on the assist that gets Barrett the win and Title.

To follow, we have The Ascension in the ring to begin establishing their Tag Team Heelitude.  They take to the mic, telling us how they're awesome and all those before merely cheap attempts at greatness for they will be the ones to implement true domination.  To demonstrate, some local wrestlers were again offered up for the slaughter.  And in swift but not necessarily impressive fashion, The Ascension lay waste.  There was some mild hubbub on the Twitters from former WWE wrestler, Lance Storm since The Ascension in-ring, promo insulted the old crew in The Road Warriors and Hawk is no longer with us.  I don’t remember any of these guys but I understand Storm’s respect for the dead.  Yet, given how The Ascension are still clearly a work in progress and Heels, I think Storm could have picked a more outwardly offensive act to denounce.

Moving along, we come to the Big Show vs. Roman Reigns match, Chapter 3.  Well, whatever momentum Smackdown conjured for this match was thoroughly halted by the promo Reigns did with Renee Young earlier during the night. Now, seeing how these promos seem to return, along with The Authority, there may be some kayfabery afoot.  I say this because these promos read so cheesily I don’t know who would cut it and say, “That’s great! You’ll be a star in no time…” The Superman analogy, though fitting, is stupid.  He’s a grown ass man, who talks like that and is taken seriously?  These spots are painful but if they're supposed to be, huge sigh of relief.  Just check Reigns when he’s in the ring during the opening.  That demeanor would definitely fly for the most part with We the Audience.  He’s basically a jock.  I know Randy Orton’s got the “King D” title but he’s more a Douche as is indicated in my nickname for him.  The Jock label is still basically open.  I say use that until Reigns has more of a sense of his character.  In the meantime, let us cross our fingers and hope this is all due to The Authority angle and not a completely clueless WWE Creative Team.  That would at least set-up the makings for a rebellion against The Authority at some point, which every Top Face has to do eventually.

Anyway, as for the match, it wasn’t bad it just lacked any purpose.  I mean, I think the crowd was dead basically because why are these guys going again?  I thought this was settled on last week’s Smackdown.  If the WWE wants to continue the feud, I say have Big Show fuck up another match that’s he’s in.  Doesn’t matter with who or do some backstage ambush. We the Audience don’t really need nor want to see these guys go.  If it’s part of a larger, better thought out storyline where they simply happen to meet up and go or if there’s some sort of sabotage that calls for it, fine but just feuding for shits and giggles isn’t gonna amuse us for long.  PS: Reigns gets the DQ decision but ends up spearing Big Show outside the ring after some stairs come into play (surprise, surprise).

After that, we have a little Divas action with Nikki Bella and Natalya building up a bit of rivalry. They didn’t take too much time because the match is obviously set up for a Championship showdown either at the Royal Rumble or the next PPV after that.  Yet, seeing how Nikki always has back-up in some way with Brie, Nattie decides to make a new “friend” in Paige.  I’m still undecided about Paige.  She could be fun but at the same time she comes off a little irritating.  I don’t know where she got it in her head that she owns shit but I did like how she started to get into it with Brie on the sidelines.   It teased at a brawl which I think should be done at some point because, why not.  Nattie gets the pin in the end but Nikki being a baddie now, she tries to rewrite the story but Paige does her “friendly” duty and backs Natalya up to stay strong.

Then, for whatever reason, Erick Rowan and Luke Harper come out to have at each other. What’s going on about the internets is that this match needed more lead-up and I understand that.  Smackdown made things interesting by pitting Rowan against Bray Wyatt and so RAW maybe figured it could ride that wave but to where?  The way these 2 are being portrayed, they just get caught up in whatever drama seems to be catching everyone else up.  So, with The Authority back, I suppose they figure they ought to fight.  For some comedic relief, J&J Security put themselves to some use and serve as "special guest referees".  Yet, as the theme seems to illustrate, their being referees merely serves as a ploy to get Harper the win and trounce Rowan.  I think Creative didn’t think it through more than that, I suppose we shouldn’t either.

   

Then we come to what I’m pretty sure is the Main Event with the first ever Ambulance Match. Dean Ambrose and Bray Wyatt continue to examine their rivalry in very involved and violent fashion.  I actually enjoyed this match.  It's definitely the best one of the night and the only one where The Authority didn’t intervene in any way.  Around this match, the question is will the rivalry continue?  Well, this match was epic.  It traveled. Ambrose dropped elbows from various heights and made sure his dial was turned to “Fucking Crazy!!!!” and went for it.  Bray Wyatt took it a little easy on the mic, and saved it for beating Ambrose's ass.  I’m not going to recount it because I think it’s better seen.  So, feel free to take a gander.  I will spoil it though and let you know that Ambrose takes a couple Sister Abigails off the ambulance’s rear so, Wyatt takes the match but we can’t say if he wins the war just yet.

Up next, we get a mixed 6-Person-Tag with The Usos and Naomi up against The Miz and Damien Mizdow with Alicia Fox.  I actually liked the lead-up promo Alicia Fox and Naomi did for this one.  Alicia pours salt in Naomi’s Total Divas wound then goes batshit on her ‘cause she’s wearing the “Bitch” hat at the moment.  For what it was worth, it was fun and the 2 ladies start the party in a fiery flurry as Naomi looks for payback.  Now, I don’t know if it was because they lose in the end, but when The Usos come in, the pace actually slows down.  Maybe it’s some sort of chivalry by letting the girls have the “pop” but they do their usual thing with the Miz and Mizdow and due to a ringside distraction, the Heels take this one.

Keeping it going, we then come to Ryback vs. Seth Rollins – scratch that – Ryback vs. Seth Rollins and Dad (Kane) in a handicap match.  Dad is kind enough to come out and make that correction right before the match.  This was the second best match of the night.  Though long, it did not wear upon you and it was actually nice to see Dad booked a bit more appropriately.  I mean he’s got a few more good years left in him.  He needn’t be limited to putting the kids over. Let him be a big, mean, menacing enforcer like he basically is, just now he wears a suit.  Ryback, on the other hand, is doing very well with his moderate comeback.  You can see he’s putting in the effort to put on a good match and execute cleanly and I respect the investment.  Though Ryback puts up a great fight after a Chokeslam from Dad and 2 Curb Stomps from Rollins, The Big Guy goes down and The Authority *er* The John Cena Appreciation night continues.

We check the docket and see we have a bit of a filler match with the New Day’s, Big E. Langston up against Adam Rose.  I don’t have a good feeling about the longevity of The New Day.  It’s getting very little love and I can see why.  Like I said in a previous post, I’m not sure the demographic is anyone but themselves.  Nevertheless, Langston and Rose have a quick little exchange that ends in a disqualification in Langston’s favor when some “Rosebuds” intervene but it becomes clear they are no usual Rosebuds when the 2 of them execute that double-decker blockbuster off the ropes.  Oh!  We see it’s those 2 slippery ones in Tyson Kidd and Cesaro.  I’m not knocking the surprise twist at the end it just needs to be done in a way that people would care.

This brings us to the Big End of the Night where The Authority take the time and truly appreciate John Cena.  I actually liked how both Stephanie McMahon and Triple H played up their Heelitude.  I think it’s fine to do.  There should be some Austin Powers type villainy with some shades of Clue in this thing.  It is supposed to be fun and entertaining and they play the “Bad Guys” well.  Tonight was a good display; I’d say they’re getting better.  They take a moment to set the scene so that we’re all clear of how we got to now.  They replay some of last week’s RAW where Cena was forced to reinstate The Authority and like magic, here they are. Lucky us!  But you know what...didn’t Cena have some cohorts in his brief reign of supremacy?  Right, The Authority remembers that Rowan helped him and didn’t Ziggler?  Oh, and yeah, The Big Guy did a little tease but went over to Cena anyway too.  Let’s have these guys come out.  This is their party too.  So, the Faces walk out, somewhat sure that they won’t like what’s to come.  And they don’t.  The Authority can’t let what transpired stand.  As authority figures, they have to make examples of those who portray insubordination.  They start out with dangling suspensions for the offenses carried out at Survivor Series but you know what, fuck it!  You guys are fired!  Except for you, Cena.  Need someone to keep kids’ parents buying our shit.  Great to be back everybody!

Now, the Twitters and the internets had plenty to say about this episode of RAW and though it wasn’t a good one, it wasn’t as bad as it could have been either and I do see its train of thought.   This brings me to my initial point.  I’m a Sam Raimi fan.  Not so much that I’ll buy all his stuff but I do own Army of Darkness.  Why do I own Army of Darkness?  Because of the basic story that leads up to it.  FanPeople know that Army of Darkness is the last of a trilogy, the first 2 movies being Evil Dead and Evil Dead II.  This is why Bruce Campbell has his cult following.  This is where we meet Ash.  Well, Evil Dead and Evil Dead II were supposed to be real horror flicks but, when you watch them, you can just see they didn’t really have the budget to be taken too seriously.  And in a genius move, they decide to go with that and you get Army of Darkness, a cult favorite to this day.  This is what I’m hoping for when it comes to the WWE, more or less.  I’m hoping that RAW is merely serving as lead in to Smackdown  which will hopefully become the ultimate cornerstone because currently, that’s kinda what they’re doing, whether that's the intent or not.  Like a bad horror flick, I see what they’re going for but in this case, production values aren't the issue.  They gotta check the story and/or format.  We’re just getting started so, I’ll keep my criticism to a minimum but if we get a crappy Royal Rumble, I’m looking here first.

Let’s keep our fingers crossed.

See You Friday,

-Nicole Alexis (^_~)